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The best times in this world are those when we don't care about our actions as reluctant as we used to be. The fluidity of life should be held in constant to avail what this world could bring. Freedom should be exercised, but sad to say it isn't always what we expected to have. This blog allows me to show somehow a part of me, a part of me I am proud of. But again, I'm human, I have a lot to conceive to survive, a lot to keep in silence to protect myself, to feel safe, to act accepted. Crazy isn't it? That's a fact. Well I guess this made me unique. I know who I am, but somehow I am responsible for not showing the true me inside to the eyes and nose of the society. Comfort Zone as they may say.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I Could Have Been


No one would understand what I am facing right now. No one should! Even my family isn’t aware of this struggle of mine. I’m upset, I’m pissed, I am angry with myself,no one to blame! but I am aware that this time would come, but I never thought that the intensity would be this harsh. I am now more attached to the people I currently deal with. I feel sorry for them. I did something which was unfair at the first sense. I say sorry to them via text message but it was still not enough. How could they accept an apology when they don’t even had a hint of the circumstance empowering the vulnerable side of me?



 One thing for sure is that I LIED to them! I may not sound “me” right now, but please believe me this time, I am serious. The things I have here are vague, unclear. But when would be the time, real time, right time, where I could fully express myself, defend myself. With the help of the sacred? Well ofcourse. God is there, and I know someday, somehow I will be comforted. I hope I am not distorting the minds of others. I am not imposing to be “an important being” to them, I am sincere with those. I need time, I hope they would consider it as a consolation for me. Here instead, I have a poem, a simple literary entry to present a glimpse of what is disturbing me right now.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I could have been introverted
I could have been quiet the whole time
I could have had a safe situation right now
I could have never be in hurt and tears

I am now in shame
Crippled with laughs and misunderstood thoughts
Wounded by judgment and inconsiderate labels
The scar remains, and the pain never fades

I am now in need with something
A shed, a tree or a smooth linen
I need a place where acceptance is free
I need a place where truth is easy

These things are consequences
I made it, I’m responsible for it
I face it, braveness unleash within me
But I pity myself, I could have been. . . .

:,(
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2 comments:

  1. ekayjeccabeydMarch 4, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    loi, sometimes naa jud tay mga #whatcudhavebeen mode and mood moment...for now dili ko makunderstand cguro kay VAGUE pa man not unless imung ishare sa akoa sometime soon...im more than willing to listen to ur sentiments :) just like what you are to me

    #leztalk

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  2. Monique CagatinMarch 7, 2012 at 11:53 PM

    just read your entry. yeah, so mgwait ra jpun q when you're ready to share nah. I think naa qy idea about what nah, and if sakto ang naa sa ako mind, i think it's normal ra man pud.

    ayy whatever. I'll stop over-thinking na. Basin maulawan lang ko. mgwait na lng ko ishare nimu.

    Go poloy! Be yourself! Hihi.

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